Marriages Smell Sweet in Nigeria
An Article on Culture and Tradition of Nigeria by Atungwu A Di’Eldra
Try to attend a marriage in Nigeria, with the aroma of the foods, the sweet smell of wines, the strong smell of schnapps, the reeking smell of tobacco, and the fragrance of perfume come together and smell sweet in the air. As the brides change multiple attires, and waltz and strut to walk away on the runway of the new life envied by spinsters and other bachelorettes, the marriages keep on smelling sweet and sweeter after them.
Among one of the many cultural diversities in Nigeria is marriage. Marriages smell sweet in the air like the sweet fragrance of oranges when their flowers bloom. A girl would do anything for her marriage. She would make advances, beguile, coerce, dote, enchant, follow, guide, house, invest, kill, love, manipulate, please, query, save, tame, understand, even woo, yield and follow a man like a zombie for marriage. A girl fit for marriage is fondly dubbed a 'wife material' in my colorful country.
There is no standard age for men to marry in Nigeria. But a man without a wife is seen as a éfuléfu, a simple term that roughly means a useless person. A typical Nigerian male has a lot to do to get married from his side too. The greatest part of all these is the strength of the man's purse, a job, or a profession. One will be pardoned to think that being a 'husband material' is easier. Not really! He must not go out to hang out with "his boys", must not drink alcohol at all, must not smoke at all, must be faithful and caring, must not beat women and must be supportive like a father. And above all, a man must be fit for his manly duties as well. All these are necessary, for a man to be considered a "husband material."
In Nigeria, marriages are very important. The traditional rites attached to a marriage are not taken lightly by the families involved in a union. Unfortunately, Nigerian traditions do not recognize the Western or modern kind of proposal where a man gets down on one knee and proposes to his girlfriend. In Nigeria, marriage is not by texts as taught in schools, but marriage is by the people. In our predominantly Muslim northern Nigeria, marriage ceremonies are mostly rooted in Islamic precepts. In this article, I mainly focus on the marriages in the southern part of Nigeria, which is predominantly Christian in demography. In this part, marriages are a hybrid of the civilizations and the cultural values of the immediate society sauced with Christian and Western concepts and ideas.
In the southern Nigeria, marriage ceremonies are like a salad mix of parties as it is common among Spanish people. It is note worthy to state that each of these people have distinct marriage customs. Marriages involve the paying of bride price, giving of gifts, partying, eating and drinking, etc. And in recent times, the final step is the signing of the marriage certificate. But the most important part is the cultural part of a marriage ceremony. Unlike in Muslim marriages, especially in the North until recent times, these marriages have Western influences like wedding gowns and suits, cakes and bottled wines. Yet each of the people still have their own unique traditions, customs, and taste buds mixed in as a signature as well.
Marriages in the South-Eastern Nigeria are anchored into the rich Igbo tradition. The traditional marriages of the Igbo people are deemed very festive, colorful and are done in steps. The first step is the groom visiting the bride’s immediate family accompanied by his father, or the eldest member of his family. Usually, they show up empty handed because ‘Iku aka’ or ‘Iju ese’ simply means ‘coming to knock or inquire’ formally from the girl’s family. This is followed by the groom and his family taking some hot drinks and kola nut as a goodwill to the girl’s or the bride’s family as a second step. The third step is seeking the consent from the bride-to-be’s extended family known traditionally as 'Umunna'. At this stage the groom takes a few gifts along (such as kola nuts, palm wine, beer, soft drinks, tobacco, snuff and a goat).
Following the above initial steps, bride price negotiation and payment known as 'Ime ego' takes place. The wine-carrying ceremony by the bride, at this stage, is known as 'Igba Nkwu Nwanyi' and 'Idu Uno' is the most unique aspect of Igbo marriage ceremony. In this tradition, the bride pours palm wine from the keg presented by the in-laws and serve to the groom to show the whole world that he is her man. In the Yoruba traditions, in Southern Nigeria, unlike the Igbos, the groom must meet and inform his future in-laws of his intention to marry their daughter and get their blessings before proposing to the girl.
Traditional Yoruba marriages are large and lively with between 200 to 1,000 guests in attendance at such marriages. If there ever is one reason why Yoruba marriages are called mints to print out and spend money, it is because of this massive gathering and celebration among the Yoruba as ultimate Nigerian party people. These marriage ceremonies are hosted by two MCs known as alaga iduro. They are usually two older women and there's one from each side of the family. The alaga iduros are boisterous, charismatic characters that add humor to the day. The groom and his agbada-wearing friends prostrate before his in-laws or bride’s family in a unique Yoruba tradition. They are showered with numerous prayers of fertility, prosperity and longevity for the couple. Yorubas believe that it is a blessing for a woman’s hips or buttocks to sit in her husband’s home for long, a literal interpretation of the prayer that is often said in Yoruba: ‘Je ki’n r’ile oko gbe'.
Marriages in the Southern part of my country are a summation of four marriages: the Introduction which have different names in different societies; the Traditional marriage called customary marriage; the Court marriage; and finally Church marriage or Church wedding, forming a hybrid of Nigerian traditional and Western Christian doctrines. All of these require substantial budget. That is why, unless they are enabled or sufficient, Nigerian males remain unmarried, and there are more bachelors in Southern Nigeria than in Northern Nigeria.
Love is a word that is Western Nigeria. Marriage among the Idoma people of the middle belt is built on a simple philosophy of love, liking, and accepting the other person. Marriage is built on a simple phrase, 'if you like me accept me'. Like most marriage prepositions, all begin with the two persons. The acceptance of the token from the man by the woman, à hum' ótu à miyé, meaning if you like me accept my token. This token is not flowers or ring but money of whatever value is considered suitable between the two. It could be usually of little worth, since love should not be bought. However, sometimes, a man could use the instance to show the level of his thoughtfulness by proffering any necessity in the bride's life, like a mobile phone, shoes, clothes, etc. In the distant past cowries – shells or smelt metals were also used as a token of marriage proposal between a man and a woman in Nigeria.
The first rite, symbolized by the acceptance of the token by the woman, is followed by a series of rites that climax in a marriage ceremony and a feast in the end. After accepting the token, the bride presents her groom to her family for the introduction that is called the 'óka oda', roughly meaning the enquiry. This is an indoor arrangement between the bride’s and the grooms’ families with few friends invited as well. It is usually a brief ceremony with few assorted drinks. It is usually on this day that 'the date' is fixed, plus a long list of items that makes up the bride price is issued. This is the first rite to be followed immediately or at a set date by the traditional marriage, ijé okpo, roughly meaning, pack money (bride price).
The bride brings in dowries like cooking utensils, spices, smoke-seasoned choice bush meat, palm oil, ash-soap, pepper, baked salt etc., to the husband's house. Unlike the south Asian societies, here the groom pays the bride price to the bride's family. There is no fix amount for the bride price. The society, the family and sometimes the worth of the bride are determinant for the bride price. A greedy man from a greedy race could asked for more, especially when the bride is educationally trained such as a college graduate costs more than a high school graduate. This could be between a few hundred thousand to a million or more in Nigerian currency – Naira, which is about between two hundred to five hundred Naira for a US Dollar.
In some marriages, like the one I attended in Otukpo, Benue State, the bride's father requested for half a million Naira, which he then shared mostly with his in-laws and friends, ending up with only about five Naira or half a Nickel for himself. Some bride's fathers collect whatever they have requested. At any rate, the bride prices are negotiated or bargained similarly to the purchasing of a ware or hiring a service. There is nothing good or bad to it, so far this has been the tradition. Sometimes, this becomes an interesting and entertaining part of the whole marriage processes or steps. Like with the bride price comes immediately the éhi géné góyi, meaning bride's mother souvenirs to be presented by the groom. This is part of the bride price and it legitimizes the heirs of the union. It cannot be avoided, but can be postponed to the future when the groom is able, at the most before their children marry, to pay the bride price. In the event, if the wife dies, in some southern cultures, the man must conclude arrangements of bride price with his in-laws before he is allowed to bury his wife.
The final rite is the church wedding, which some men dodge, rather than avoid, to escape some rigors imposed by some pastors on the groom. Apart from levying them as well for one thing or the other. I still remember when one of my friends married recently, the church charged him about thirty thousand Naira, which is about sixty US Dollars for the church service. And lastly, there is the enforcement of court marriage to back up the church wedding and hold down the slippery husbands to their " for better for worst" vows. In recent times traditional marriages and church weddings are run concurrently. This modern practice has been nicknamed 'Two In One'.
Actually, my land is a continent of over two hundred nations. My land has over 250 ethnic groups that together are technically called Nigeria. If each of these sub-nations were of a unique color, what a lovely garden will it make? The most populous being Hausa-Fulani 29 percent, Yoruba 21 percent, Igbo (Ibo) 18 percent, Ijaw 10 percent, Kanuri 4 percent, Ibibio 3.5 percent, Tiv 2.5 percent and so on and so forth down to the least. Nigeria is one of the most heterogeneous societies in the world today, is a very ethnically diverse country with over 250 ethnic groups and over 500 languages. As Africa's most populous country, there is a wealth of cultural diversities amongst our people. We are happy to have it this way!